restart?

this week we start to talk via sms again...
these sms seems calm...
i'm not sure if this is real calm or not...

yes, i told him about the gift from above...
shit... yes i should not tell him... i told myself not to tell him...
why did i tell him...
i don't want him to think i do this for him or for us...
shit... i shouldn't have tell him...
cos i want things to move as the way it goes... not because of anything...

shit... i ruin everything again...
what's wrong with me...
i hate myself...

pls... pls... guide me and take me to where i belong...
pls... pls... give me the route and let me walk on it...
i don't want to think...
i don't want to plan...
i don't know what to do...

pressure from here... (dad mom)
pressure from there... (families)
pressure from inside... (myself)
pressure from outside... (work, life, money)
pressure pressure pressure everywhere....

2 good news in 2013

had dinner with my dear friend tonight... she is one of my best friend in life, as we share a lot of similarities:
* we are leo
* she is just 3 days older then me
* our ___ went to the same high school
* her ___ is just 4 days older then my ___
* we love softhard
* we love concerts
* we are "moog bite bite"
* we have "crocodile head" but is a "dump sheep" inside

* 2012 new years eve, a good news from her to become "mrs___"
* today, another good news from her to become "a mother"

i feel so happy for her...
she is my best friend, she is happy, i am happy too!

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deep inside me...
i'm very upset for myself...
what am i doing now...
what happened to me...
all these triggered my nerves...

dad mom in town

my dearest dad mom are in town!! hurray!! i miss them very much for the past few months (mom as in town in aug, dad was in town in may)...

so many things happened to me for the past years (especially last year), they are my backbone... without them i am sure i am gone already...

dad mom... i love you!!

happy birthday

happy birthday to my dearest friend on her xx-th birthday!! i wish you happy and healthy forever and ever!!

picking it up again

begin to blog again, feels good and I think i will start to love it again...
kae! keep it up!!

my new life

today i am starting a new life with the gift from him above...
i am so glad, so happy with peace inside me...
thank you...

medical report

received the medical report from doctor today, thank god!!
from now on i will have to say healthy and and be good to myself.
stay happy!
stay healthy!

the past...

* lost a baby...
* depress...
* lost in love...
* on my own...
* lost myself...
* lost focus...
* lost (gain) some friends...
* lost in work...
* lost creditibility...
* wasted money...
* gain weight...
* wasted time...
* married...
* lost my love...
* lost trust...
* super depress...
* hurt my love...
* hurt my family
* hurt my friends...
* hurt myself...
* sick...
* under perform...
* hate myself...
* cont' lost myself...

what am i...
what i am doing...
i don't know...

hello...

hello... anyone here?
i was so lost... am i still here?
starting from today... i will take up blogging again to record my day to day life!

hi...